Every Story Has a Moral

THE PASTOR'S ASS

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper reads:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline reads:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headline reads:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The Bishop was buried next day!

The moral of the story is, being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer.

Church Signs

Brainteaser - Yesterday's Answer

Yesterday's brainteaser asked you to find a link word that would go between two words given. Below are the answers:

ARM (-----) LIFT.................................CHAIR

CREAM (----) ADDER.........................PUFF

WOOD (----) BENCH..........................WORK

SHOULDER (-----) POCKET.............PATCH

CANDY (----) WASHER.....................DISH

Well done if you came up with all five correct answers!

Maxine Exposed

One of my most favourite bits of the Journal is 'Maxine's World', depicting a tetchy old lady with great 'put down' lines. Now meet the man who created this very funny cartoon character and read how he, and Maxine, became celebrities.

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John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons when 'fill in the pumpkins' was about the extent of his art classes at St. John's Catholic School in Leonia N.J. John remembers doodling as a pre-schooler and says both his grandmother and his mother encouraged his artistic interests. He eventually attended the Vesper George School of Art in Boston and landed at Hallmark as part of a new artists group. But it was the birth of the humorous Shoebox Greetings ( a tiny little division of Hallmark) in 1986 that added a new dimension to John's personal life. The Shoebox way of seeing the world unleashed his talents and he created Maxine.

"Cartoonists are sensitive to the insanities of the world; we just try to humourize them," John says. "If Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who is getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, or if she can make someone chuckle about stressful interpersonal relationships, then I'm happy. Putting a smile on someones face is what it's all about.

Those smiles have led to Maxine becoming a bit of a celebrity. She (and John) have been the subject of media stories, including People, USA Today, Good Morning America, The Wall Street Journal, St. Petersburg (FL) Times, and Las Vegas Journal-Review, and they have been included in a major Associated Press story.

Collector and trade publications have reported fans nationwide are collecting Maxine items. Letters from consumers and fans to John and Maxine reveal a very personal connection to Maxine. Many people say they are just like her.

Why the name Maxine? People at Shoebox started referring to the character as "John Wagner's old lady," and I knew that would get me into trouble with my wife," John says. The Shoebox team had a contest among themselves to name the character and three of the approximately 30 entries suggested 'Maxine.' John says the name is perfect.

John, who says he's humbled by such acceptance of Maxine, admits he's proud of her.

Definitions

Refrigerator
Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.

Rubberneck
What you do to relax your wife

School Teacher
A disillusioned person who used to think he liked children.

Show Off
A child who is more talented than yours.