Zen Wisdom

ZEN is a school of Mahayana Buddhism, translated from the Chinese word Chan. Chan is itself derived from the Sanskrit Dhyana, which means meditation. The teachings of Zen are sometimes referred to as simply 'path of enlightenment.' In order to set Journal readers off on their way down the path of enlightenment, here are my 'ZEN TEN' pearls of wisdom:

ZEN TEN

01 Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

02 Sex is like air. It is not important unless you aren't getting any.

03 No one is listening until you fart.

04 Always remember you're unique. Like everyone else.

05 Never test the water with both feet.

06 If you think nobody cares whether your alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

07 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

08 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

09 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10 If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

Sign Of The Times

Manure.....An Interesting Fact

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship, and it was also before commercial fertilizer's were invented, so shipments of manure were common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet. But once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heated, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a bi-product is methane gas.
As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles, you can see what could, and did, happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below with a lantern......BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term 'Ship High In Transport' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water coming into the hold would not touch the volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
This evolved the term 'S.H.I.T' (Ship High In Transport), which came down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably didn't know the true history of this word. Neither did I..... I had always thought it was a golf term!

Maxine's World

Today's Smile - Grandma And Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one dad; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"£10 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa. "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found £110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was £10, not £110."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from your Grandma!"