Blonde Jokes

Timex and Rolex.
A blonde named her two dogs Timex and Rolex. A friend asked why she named them that. "Well, duh," she replied, "because they're watchdogs, of course."

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Selling a Car

A blonde was trying to sell her old car but wasn't having any luck because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she mentioned this to a friend. Her friend told her, "There is a way to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "I've just gotta sell it." "Okay," said the friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell it." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, her friend asked her, "Well, did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

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Which is Further Away?

Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?" "Duh..." said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"

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Mail Check

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his pretty blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'."

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Cheating Boyfriend

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes about and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

Blonde Jokes

Ice Fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right gear, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut another hole in the ice. Again the voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The very scared blonde raised her head and said, "Is that You, Lord?" The voice answered, "NO. IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

Timex and Rolex.

A blonde named her two dogs Timex and Rolex. A friend asked why she named them that. "Well, duh," she replied, "because they're watchdogs, of course."

Not at all tasty.

Doctor's true story. I was caring for a blonde woman in the hospital and asked, "So, how was your breakfast this morning?" "It was very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I asked if I could see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Blonde Jokes

Doc, It Hurts All Over
A blonde explains to the doctor, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts." The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You're a natural blonde, aren't you?" The woman smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How did you know?" The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken.

"How Should I Know?
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife, a blonde, picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.''
Good Secretary
The blonde secretary was leaving the office when she saw the CEO standing by the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," the CEO said, "this is a very important document. Do you know how this thing works?" The secretary turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Great," the CEO said as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I need just one copy."

Mirror, Mirror
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"