Ever Wondered Why

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Darn and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

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On a bag of chips: You could be a winner. No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

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On a bar of Palmolive soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

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On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

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On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom). Do not turn upside down. (Well..duh, a bit late, huh).

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Slick Advertising

Obviously installed by an erectrician!

Marriage

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

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The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever!"

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"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last!"

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(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Maxine's World

A Contemporary Poem

I want a floating duck house

I want to clear my moat

I need to mend my tennis court

That's why I need your vote.

I have to build a portico

My swimming pool needs mending

My lovely plant need horse manure

And the Aga needs much tending.

A chandelier is vital

Mock Tudor boards are great

My hanging baskets won awards

And I've earned a tax rebate.

I need a glitter toilet seat

My piano so needs tuning

Maltesers help me stay awake

And my orchard must need pruning.

I could have said the rules were wrong

And often thought I should

But somehow it was easier

To profit all I could.

The public really have to see

That the rules are there to test

And by defrauding taxpayers

We were just doing our best.

The Speaker of the House has gone

Our sacrificial beast

But the public are still braying

For our corpses at the feast.

What do the public want from us

These vote-wielding ingrates

They really should be grateful

To be financing our estates.

The message is so very clear

We're merely learning late

That the British way of living well

Is to screw the bloody state.

(Author unknown)