Who Am I? - Monday's Answer

Who Am I?

Yesterday's answer

was

Des O'Connor

Watch Des O'Connor with Morcambe and Wise

by clicking the video link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3r301he14

Dog Commandments

I'm sure all you dog owners will understand perfectly!

_________________________________________

01 Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encountereth.

02 Thou shalt not sneak up on me and lick me in the mouth while I am sleeping.

03 Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence and then walk away as if thou has been offended by me!

04 Thou shalt not act half starved whenever thou watches me eat.

05 Thou shalt not watchest the cat while she is in her litter box. She liketh her privacy.

06 Thou shalt not run away in pursuit of a good time. Thou hast been neutered.

07 Thou shalt refrain from becoming overly friendly with my mother-in-law's leg.
08 Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.
09 Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.
10 Thou shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.

Hilarious Antics

I came across this video clip and thought it was hilarious. Take a look and see what you think. Particularly watch out for the clip with the baby, wonderful.

http://www.kewego.co.uk/video/iLyROoaftVC3.html

Signs Of Growing Old

You hear your favourite song in an elevator.
*****

You watch the weather channel.

*****

Your friends marry and divorce, instead of 'hook up' and 'break up'.

*****

Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.

English And French Rivalry

An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.

The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread?"

Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to England."

The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread?"

Englishman: "Of course."

Frenchman (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling): "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England.

After a moment of silence.

The Englishman then asks: " Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do," he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

Englishman: "We don't. In England, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."