Tuesday, 23 June 2009

This Has Made Me Feel Much Better

I came across an article in yesterday's Daily Mail that restored my faith in human nature. After all the doom and gloom in the country during the past few months, it was good to read some good news for once. The article was an extract from a book called 'Global Warming And Other Bollocks'. The book was written by Professor Stanley Feldman and Professor Vincent Marks, to be published on 8 July at £9.99 The two professors set out to challenge the predictions of the scare-mongers of this world, and providing they have got their facts right, we can all settle down and start leading much less stressful lives.
According to the article, if Feldman and Marks theories are correct, the sun, not CO2 emissions may be responsible for global warning, CO2 levels are not running at unprecedented highs, polar bears and penguins are not in decline, the Gulf Stream is not under threat, there are few 'bad foods', there is no need to cut back on salt, organic food is no better for you, processed meats are fine and we don't really know what causes heart attacks.
These are not the views of two nutty professors. Stanley Feldman is a professor of anaesthetics at London University, and Vincent Marks, a former professor of clinical biochemistry and dean of medicine at the University of Surrey. Personally, I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of this book. I hope their theories are correct - I love loads of salt on my chips.

Thanks Mister

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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him 5:00 a.m. for an early morning flight.
Not wanting to be the first to beak the silence (and Lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 a.m.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to find it was 9:00 a.m. and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up!'

(Men are not equipped for these kind of contests!)

You Have To Queue For Everything These Days

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Quiz Show Howlers

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers?'
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman: No. They're nicknames for regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
Stewart White: : Who had a world wide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow.
Contestant: Arm.
Stewart White: Correct. And if your not weak, you're .....?
Contestant: Strong.
Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis
Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a world wide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

Maxine's World

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