Monday, 17 August 2009

If You Thought Hyphenated Names Were Posh - Read On!


Your mother wore nylons that came in two pieces.

All your male teachers wore ties and female
teachers had their hair done every day
and wore high heels.l

You got your windscreen cleaned, oil checked.
and petrol served. Without asking, all for free
and every time. And you didn't pay for air.

Washing powder had free glasses, dishes or towels
hidden inside the box.

Funny Signs

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make: limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger: roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Notice in a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Notice in a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Welcome To England Mr President

Airforce One arrives at Heathrow airport and President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons, all is going well.

Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The coach shakes, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Obama, "President please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

Obama, always trying to be Presidential , replied: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought ..... until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."


Today's brainteaser is called 'Sailor Beware' and is trivia, with a difference. Today I am going to give you the answers, unfortunately each question will have four possible answers, obviously only one of them is correct. You have a one in four chance with each question!

01 Who was the first man to sail solo round the world?

Sir Francis Chichester
Robin Knox-Johnson
Joshua Slocum
Alain Colas

02 What was the name of the yacht in which Clare Francis made her solo Atlantic crossing in 1976?

Chivers' Jelly
Robertson's Golly
Pen Duick IV
Felicity Ann

03 What did the Viking sailor Lief Ericson do? Did he .....

Discover Iceland
Discover Greenland
Discover America
Establish the monastery on Lindisfarne

04 What was the name of the ship in which Sir Francis Drake sailed round the world in 1577-80?

The Nina
The Pelican
The Golden Hind
The Elizabeth

05 Which Portuguese navigator discovered the sea route to India via the Cape of good Hope? Was it .....

Henry the Navigator
Ferdinand Magellan
Vasco da Gama
Sebastian del Cano

06 What is the name of the sailor and naval officer created by C.S. Forester and subsequently played by Gregory Peck in a film of the same name?

Lord Jim
Horatio Havelock
Ross Poldark
Horatio Hornblower

07 Who was the Dutch admiral who is claimed to have swept the English from the sea during the middle of the seventeenth century? Was it .....

Cornelius van Dreben
Johannes van der Waals
Maarten van Tromp
Michel de Ruyter

08 What was the name of the German battleship sunk in a Norwegian fjord in November 1944? Was it .....

The Bismarck
The Graf Spee
The Priz Eugen
The Tirpitz

09 Where did Nelson lose his eye? Was it .....

At Calvi
At the Battle of the Nile
At the Battle of Tenerife
At the Battle of Trafalgar

10 Christopher Columbus's flagship was called the 'Santa Maria' and one of the others was the 'Pinta'. What was the name of the third one.

The Dove (Columba)
The Nina
The Santa Julia
The San Miguel

Thought For Today

The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.

Office Essentials