Tuesday, 21 July 2009
A Scottish soldier in full dress uniform marches into a chemist. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandanna, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically."How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the chemist.
"Sixty pence," says the chemist. "How much for a new one?" "One pound," says the chemist. The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandanna, replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging. A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout. The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face. "The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like ... 'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' ... Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!