Missing Blogs

Unfortunately, I was unable to publish blogs on Saturday, Sunday and Monday, as I was taking a few days holiday down in Petersfield, Hampshire. We spent a very pleasant few days with my son David and daughter-in-law Tanya, made all the more special by the fact that it was the first time I had seen my fifteen-month-old grandson, Alexander, walking under his own steam.. Above is a picture of the lake at Petersfield, home to a great variety of waterfowl, other attractions around the lake are rowing-boats, kiddies playground and a cafe/shop, the footpath that circles the entire lake makes it a great walk.

Witty Bits

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it on.

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If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

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Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

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Go into a stores fitting room and announce loudly "there's no toilet paper in here!"

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Every one must believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

Today's Smile

A Scottish soldier in full dress uniform marches into a chemist. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandanna, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically."How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the chemist.
"Sixty pence," says the chemist. "How much for a new one?" "One pound," says the chemist. The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandanna, replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging. A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout. The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face. "The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."

Who Am I?

Friday's Who Am I Answer

was

BING CROSBY

Well done if you solved the puzzle!

That's When The Fight Started

A man staggered into the casualty department of a hospital, he had severe concussion, two black eyes, multiple bruising and a five iron wrapped tightly round his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him "What happened to you?"

The man managed to croak ... "Well my wife and I were having a quiet round of golf, we were playing the eighth ... a difficult hole at the best of times ... anyway we both sliced our balls into a field full of cattle. We went to look for them and as we were walking round, I noticed that one of the cows had something white at it's rear end. I went oveer, lifted it's tail, and sure enough there was a golf ball with my wife's initial on it ... stuck right in the centre of the cow's f***y.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife "Hey this looks like yours!"

That's when the fight started!

Girlie Wisdom

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.

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Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like ... 'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' ... Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!.

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The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

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I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

Thought For Today

When they discover the centre of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
Bernard Bailey