The Modern NHS

A 75 year old lady rings her local hospital and this conversation follows:

"Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?"

"Do you know which ward she is in?"

"Yes, ward P, room 2B."

"I'll just put you through to the nurse station."

"Hello, ward P, how can I help?"

"I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?"

"I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's condition has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow."

"Oh, that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!"

"You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or a relative?"

"No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2B. Nobody tells you f**k all in this place!!"

Mothers

Brainteaser

Today's brainteaser is a general knowledge 'Trivia', ten questions on a variety of subjects.

01 Which operetta by Gilbert and Sullivan is named after the emperor of Japan?
02 Where are the Needles?
03 What is a lute?
04 Which of the armed services has the motto 'Per Ardua Ad Astra'?
05 Who painted the famous painting called 'The Last Supper'?
06 How long is a millenium?
07 What type of tree has leaves all the year round?
08 Who travel in Black Marias?
09 What are monsoons?
10 Where is poteen drunk?

Good luck with your answers!

The Age Gap

At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock' on the door. Sure enough, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and its Roger, again he is ready for the 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done. Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger."

Roger somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: "You mean I was here already?"

The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.

Real Meaning Of Words

PAIN