Saturday 28 February 2009

Brainteaser

Today's brainteaser is one that has foxed generations of puzzlers. Try it, and see how you get on!.

As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives,
Each wife had seven cats,
Each cat had seven kittens
How many were going to St Ives?

The answer will appear in tomorrows Journal.

Very Unusual!

Very unusual! Well, when did you last see a dog with three balls?

Today's Smile

A man came home, screeching his car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his voice, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The wife said "Oh my god! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," he said, "Just get out."

Looking Back - Moorgate Tube Crash

On this day in 1975, the 0837 London Underground train left Drayton Park for Moorgate station, packed with commuters travelling to work. At 0846 the train rattled into Moorgate at 30 miles per hour, the worst ever Tube disaster was about to unfold. The train failed to stop, overshot the platform, entered a dead-end tunnel, crashed through a sand barrier and into a brick wall. Eye witnesses, waiting on Platform 9, said that as the train entered the station it appeared to shudder and accelerate. The front three carriages were mangled together with the last three in tact at the platform. Police, London Underground staff, fire crews, doctors and nurses from St Bartholomew's Hospital, and members of the Salvation Army, were confronted with total darkness and a huge amount of dust and soot, as they arrived at the scene to commence rescue operations. The only journalist allowed into the tunnel, Gerald Kemp of the Daily Telegraph, described the scene as "a horrible mess of limbs and mangled iron." The rescue teams, working in intense heat of about 120 degrees, spent all day freeing the dead and injured from the atrocious conditions. It was not until 11 pm that the last survivor was brought out. The final death toll was 43, including the driver, Leslie Newson, 55, who had worked for London Underground since 1969 and was described as careful and conscientious. Scores more people were injured, many seriously. A subsequent investigation confirmed that the brakes had not been applied. Nothing was wrong with the train, the signals, or the track. The Moorgate crash was to remain a mystery.

Friday 27 February 2009

Day trips to Skegness

Heading for Skegness beach (1948)

As a young lad one of the highlights of the summer was a day trip to Skegness. As there were few cars in those days, we had to go by Roadcar bus, that ran every Sunday throughout the summer from Metheringham. The bus left Metheringham at 9 o'clock and meandered its way, at 30 mph, through numerous villages, picking up passengers en route, before eventually arriving at Skegness at half-past eleven. After asking seven or eight times where we were, I was always told 'nearly there.' The last leg of the journey from Burgh-le-Marsh to Skegness was a straight road, about three miles long. It was half way along this stretch that a large water tower came into view, and the excitement would mount, now you really were nearly there. On arrival it was a short walk from the bus park to the Clock Tower and the first stop of the day. Here, on the corner, was a shop selling buckets and spades, kites, beach balls, large plastic sharks and 'kiss me quick' felt hats. First purchase of the day was a bucket and spade. Unlike today's plastic versions, the buckets were made of tin and the spades had wooden handles and brightly painted metal bottoms. Then it was straight on past the Clock Tower down to the beach. It was here where the adults had their first treat, a plate of cockles or whelks, or maybe a bag of shrimps. Then on to the beach, sandcastles, football, collecting shells and paddling in the sea. Just time for one donkey ride before lunch. In those days lunch was sandwiches, cake, tea and pop, brought with us in an old brown suitcase. Lunch was always eaten just outside the fairground on a grassy area, next to the man-made river, built for pleasure boat rides. The afternoon was spent wandering through the fun fair, strolling along the pier, and walking around the town, in and out of the endless bazaar's, selling trinkets, souvenirs and saucy postcards. Several sticks of lettered rock were bought to give to people at home. Strange tradition! It was in one of these bazaar's, that every year, I would spend what was left of my pocket money on the same two items. A rubber ball, hollow inside, and its two halves painted different colours and a bazooka. For anyone not familiar with a bazooka, it was made of thin tin, silver in colour, hollow inside and shaped rather like a canoe, but tapered at one end. On the top was a hole with a paper membrane stretched over it. By blowing and humming at the same time into the wide end, you could make a tune, rather like we used to do as kids stretching grease proof paper over a comb and blowing through it. After about two days it would stop working, usually because the paper was wet, and your musical ambitions had to be put on hold until the following year. Finally, it was back to the Clock Tower corner for a fish and chip tea, eaten out of the paper. Then back to the bus park by six o'clock to catch the bus home. I remember there was always a certain urgency to get back to the bus park on time. No one wanted to be stranded in Skegness for the night. Happy days!

Today's Smile


Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them "I must tell you something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank god" said an elderly nun at the back. I'm sick and tired of chardonnay.

Pancake Challenge

Thanks to those readers who joined in our PANCAKE challenge. I asked you to make as many words as possible, not less than three letters, from the word pancake. Amazingly, a total of 26 words were submitted. Here is a list of the words found, all verified by the Oxford Dictionary.

3 Letters
Pen, Can, Pea, Kea, Ace, Ape, Cap, Pan, Nap, Ken
4 Letters
Neck, Peck, Cake, Cane, Peak, Neap, Pack, Pane
Kana, Nape, Pace, Cape, Knap, Acne
5 Letters
Pecan
6 Letters
Canape

Very well done. I always knew Journal readers were a knowledgeable lot!

Thursday 26 February 2009

Thought For Today

Do not accustom yourself to use big words for little matters.
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

The Rockery - Blankney Park

The Rockery (1999)

The Rockery (Around 1899)

In the middle of Blankney Park there is a small coppice, known as The Rockery, which has been excavated out to an area of approximately 80 yards square. At the east end of this area there is a man made structure consisting of huge boulders with a shallow cave at its centre. The top picture shows the modern day rockery which unfortunately is overgrown with moss and saplings. The picture below shows The Rockery as it was, possibly a hundred years earlier, though the actual date of the photograph is unknown. I have never seen any reference to The Rockery that would explain its purpose, but I would guess it was a retreat for the occupants of the Hall, where during the summer months they could walk, relax or possibly picnic. What is evident from the bottom picture is that the area was immaculately kept, probably by several gardeners, and would have been a tranquil haven for those who spent time there. Along the bank at the top of The Rockery, on the south side, are the graves of many horses and dogs. When I first visited The Rockery, as a teenager, these graves were marked by scattered gravestones, on which was carved the names of the animals. Some of the names I remember were Sunbeam, Dumps and Caro. One very special grave was marked with a large white marble slab which bore the following inscription:
In memory of a very favourite horse Fidget which died May 10th 1879
Many a time o'er hill and vale
I've carried my lady close to the tail
Of hounds which ran a rattling pace
To kill their fox by such a chase.
Then think of me when here you rest
For when alive I did my best,
To carry out the kindness shown
By one who places here this stone.
The Lady Florence Chaplin
Interestingly, there is another reference to a horse called Fidget, in the book, 'Henry Chaplin A Memoir', prepared by his daughter the Marchioness of Londonderry. This makes reference to Lady Londonderry, then still a small girl, being taken out hunting. Chaplin recalls the young girl driving Fidget at a fence much to big for a pony and recalls her falling into a ditch. The book then goes on to say, the little girl remembers the episode very well-the beloved fat pony, shaped like a pig, the anxiety of keeping her eyes on the hounds,and of eluding her father and the groom. In the same book a reference is made to Caro Lady Florence's hunter. During their first year of marriage Henry visited Blankney alone to entertain his usual bachelor house party for the Lincoln meeting, while his wife was at Trentham. Whilst at Blankney he wrote to his wife everyday. On the Monday he wrote. Horses all very well. Caro [her hunter] much admired by every one, a great wonder that so small a Poppet can ride him. I tell fine tales about the way she goes on him, after me, of course. Some of the gravestones were broken by vandals, others, that survived were removed for safe keeping

Today's Smile

Fifty one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the army.

On his first day in basic training, the army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth out.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Beware Of Modern Day Tooth Fairies

A German dentist has been fined 6,000 euros for taking a woman's teeth out. The problem was the woman was wearing false teeth at the time. It transpired that the woman owed the dentist 700 euros for treatment not covered by insurance. As a way of recovering the debt the dentist went to the woman's home and physically removed her false teeth from her mouth. His lawyer issued a statement, on behalf of the doctor, saying he apologised and that he blew a fuse because he was under a lot of professional and personal stress. The woman appeared in court with no teeth and said she did not want to wear dentures again because of the stress the incident had caused.

Wednesday 25 February 2009

Pancake - Word Challenge

On Tuesday, pancake day, I set Journal readers a challenge. I asked them to make as many words as they could, minimum three letters, from the word PANCAKE. Only words in the Oxford Dictionary are valid. Any readers who have not yet had a go, please join in, list your words and e-mail them to me at garlant@btinternet.com It is not a competition to find a winner, but to see collectively how many words we can make. So, list as many or as few words as you can think of and send them in. Even if only one word from your list is a new word it will help to boost our total. Go on, you know you want to!

Poem - Blankney Woodyard

Today's poem is entitled Blankney Woodyard. The Woodyard, as it's name implies, is where timber from the Estate is taken to be sawn. It also houses the maintenance workshops for maintaining the buildings on the Estate, both farm buildings and the many private houses.

Blankney Woodyard

The tractor chimney belches smoke
The trailer hauls it's heavy load
Another trunk of light grey ash
Is dragged along the Woodyard road
For centuries past this great Estate
Has yielded wood for fence and gate
The saw shed, like a torture chamber
Where fearful jagged teeth of saw
Rip to pieces once proud trees
To make a window frame or door
Whilst the wood that's less discerning
Is used to keep the log fires burning
Nearby, the busy joiners shop
Where glue and sawdust smells prevail
And craftsmen ply their ancient trade
On wood secured by screw and nail
And gates by wintry weather tainted
Stand there waiting to be painted
Over by the paddock hedge
Heaps of sand and gravel wait
To be transformed into cement
By the builder and his mate
May their skill with stone and slate
Long preserve this great Estate

Rodney Garlant

Looking Back -Cassius Clay World Champion


Name Muhammad Ali

Birth Name Cassius Marcellus Clay Jr

Nickname The Greatest, The Champ, The Louisville Lip

Height 1.91 m (6ft 3in)

Reach 2 m

Weight division Heavyweight

Birth Date January 17, 1942

Birth Place Louisville, Kentucky, U.S.



On this day in 1964 a young black boxer by the name of Cassius Clay was crowned heavyweight champion of the world. His defeat of Sonny Liston caused the biggest upset in boxing history. Liston, who had two first round knock-outs against Floyd Patterson, looked invincible. Clay, from Kentucky, was announced the winner after the hot favourite retired at the end of the sixth round, when the bell rang for the seventh round Liston said he did not wish to continue. Such was the shock of Liston's defeat, Florida state attorney Richard Gerstein launched an inquiry into the fight. Such was the hype surrounding the contest that Clay had been fined £900 for disgraceful conduct as he ranted at 32 year old Liston at the weigh-in, chanting "I wanna rumble...I wanna rumble!" before saying "You're a tramp, I am going to eat you up. Somebody's going to die at the ringside tonight. Are you scared?" He then went on to make a predication that was to be proven right over the next few years "I was born to be great. I am great and I will be greater - the greatest Cassius Clay." On the night of the fight only half the seats had been sold in the Convention Hall in Miami. It was generally felt that Clay would be no match for Liston and the odds on Clay winning were a massive 7-1. Liston started the fight well and pinned Clay to the ropes in round two, but in round three he was forced to retreat with blood pouring from his left eye. By the end of round six Liston had been completely demoralised by his young upstart opponent. The fight was over and Clay was crowned world champion. Clay went on to become the only man to win the world heavyweight title three times, and few who saw him fight would doubt him to be the greatest boxer of all time. In a move that surprised everyone, Cassius Clay announced, in 1964, that he had joined the Nation of Islam and had changed his name to Muhammad Ali, subsequently converting to Sunni Islam in 1975, and then Sufism. Ali became famous for his unique fighting style, displaying amazing footwork, for a man of his stature, and incredibly fast with his fists. He would taunt his opponents with rhymes, predicting in which round he would win the fight. His most famous saying was "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." In addition to having the ability to hurt his opponents with razor sharp punches, he was fit and strong enough to take punches, especially to the chin, and would often show off to the spectators by allowing his opponents to take free shots at him. His boxing career lasted 20 years, during which time he won 56 frights and scored 37 knock-outs. Ali retired from the ring in December 1981 and was later diagnosed as having Parkinson's disease.

Who Am I? - Tuesday's Answer



Did you manage to identify the celebrity who was the subject of yesterday's Who Am I. It was of course Sid Owen (pictured on the right) better known as Ricky Butcher in Eastenders.

Well done to those of you who got the correct answer!

(Click to enlarge image)

Today's Smile

WELL, WHERE DO YOU FIT INTO THIS CYCLE?
(Thanks to reader Roy Andrews for sending this in)

Tuesday 24 February 2009

Just For Fun

Today is Shrove Tuesday, which for most people means one thing, pancakes. To celebrate the occasion I have set you a small challenge. From the word PANCAKE see how many other words, of not less than three letters, you can make. When you have made your list of words e-mail them to me at garlant@btinternet.com and we will see how many words we can get between us. Only words that appear in the Oxford Dictionary will be valid. Please join in - just for fun!

Speculate To Accumulate - With Caution


I would never wish misfortune on anyone. However, after reading a Daily
Mail article that claims golden couple Grant Bovey and Anthea Turner are having to sell their £5 million mansion, I find it hard to feel sorry for them. It appears they lost £100 million in the credit crunch. The couple owned two companies Imagine Homes, a buy-to-let venture and Imagine Furnishings, a furnishings business. Last year Bovey boasted that Imagine Homes was to be floated on the Stock market and would make the couple £1 billion. The company is now in the hands of Bovey's former business partners HBOS who have taken over amidst chaos in the property market. The furnishings side of their investments filed for administration late last year, but that company lost £700,000 in 2006, long before the credit crunch was even thought of. The couples problems came to light last December when Turner revealed the £100 million collapse of her husbands buy-to-let empire. She is reported as saying 'we are in it like lots of other people in this country who have been bitten by economic circumstances'. The vast majority of other people 'bitten by economic circumstances' are hard working families, with an average mortgage, who have either lost their homes or are struggling with mortgage arrears. People who cannot earn in a lifetime the kind of sums Bovey and Turner are banding about. Is it possible that money that could have been used to secure their home has been speculated in the pursuit of vast riches?

Theatre Royal Lincoln

Regular readers of the Journal may remember that back on 3 February we championed the cause of the Theatre Royal Lincoln, by reporting that this wonderful little theatre came close to closing this year. We published an open letter circulated by Chris Moreno, Managing Director, highlighting the plight of the theatre following the withdrawal of financial support by Lincoln City Council. Obviously, the theatre's future existence depends on it getting strong support from the local theatre-going community. This coming Friday and Saturday 27/28 February the Royal puts on a cracking production of a show that will appeal to all the family. 'Calamity Jane', starring Leah Bell and full Company, is one of the all time great musicals and appeals to an audience spanning generations. This high-energy, toe-tapping and thigh slapping musical includes legendary songs such as 'The Deadwood Stage', 'The Windy City', 'Secret Love', 'The Black Hills Of Dakota' and many more. So, if you fancy a Rootin', Tootin', Shootin' night out, take yourself off to the Theatre Royal, have a great night of live entertainment, and possibly help the Royal in it's fight for survival. YEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAA!

Today's Smile

Seen outside a second hand shop in Glasgow, Scotland, "We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain."

Sighted at a towing company in Sacramento, California, "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Sign next to a fence in Bradford, Yorkshire. Wet Paint. This is a warning, not an instruction.

Who Am I?

As usual, for today's 'Who Am I' you are asked to study the 10 clues listed below. From the information given can you work out the name of the celebrity we are looking for.


01 I play a well known television character.
02 My real name is David Sutton.
03 I was born in 1972.
04 I made a record in 1982 called 'Good Thing Going'.
05 I was a prison officer in 'Bad Girls'.
06 I fought Ben Fogle in a celebrity boxing match.
07 I had a small role in the film 'Revolution'.
08 I used to own a restaurant in France.
09 I presented 'Buy Or Not To Buy' with Melinda Messenger
10 I appeared in 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' in 2007/2008.


Answer will appear in tomorrows Journal.

Brainteaser - Monday's Answers

Yesterday's brainteaser was a set of 10 'Trivia' questions based on general knowledge. Did you answer all the questions correctly? Below are the answers:

01 The Japanese Flag.
02 Scouts and Guides.
03 Christopher Cockerell.
04 Both are made from carbon.
05 St. David.
06 The Violin.
07 The Osmonds.
08 Danish.
09 The deer.
10 Almonds.

9/10 Excellent 7/8 Very Good 5/6 Good - Below 5 (See me after school).

Monday 23 February 2009

An Unshellfish Act Of Kindness

Lobsters all around the worlds oceans have cause to celebrate this morning, at the news that one of their kind, a 140 year old lobster by the name of Craig has been released. To the fish world this unexpected news is equivalent, in human terms, to the release of Nelson Mandela. Craig has been exhibited to customers in an aquarium at Halu Japanese Restaurant & Grill in Brooklyn, New York. Craig, a 20lb crustacean, was shipped by the restaurant's owners to Maine where he was released into the sea on Saturday. The announcement, made on Friday, means that Craig will swim free in the Atlantic Ocean instead of ending his days boiled in a pot. He should be safe there as local laws forbid taking lobsters above a certain size. The news was welcomed by Ingrid Newkirk, president of the animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), who said in a statement "Kudos to Halu for allowing Craig to live out the rest of his days in his native habitat". PETA has organized a campaign to liberate restaurant lobsters and avoid them from being thrown alive into a pot of boiling water. According to invertebrate zoologist Jaren Horsley, lobsters have a "sophisticated nervous system" and feel "a great deal of pain" when cut or cooked alive. I love stories of compassion like this, let's hope King Neptune will see fit to bestow a knighthood on Craig. He deserves it!

Brainteaser

Another set of ten trivia questions for you to answer. The questions are based on general knowledge. See how you get on!

01 Which national flag shows a red disc set on a white background?
02 What kind of people meet at the World Jamboree?
03 Who invented the hovercraft?
04 What do diamonds and coal have in common?
05 Who is the patron saint of Wales?
06 Which musical instrument do you associate with Yehudi Menuhin?
07 Which American singing group belong to the Mormon faith?
08 What was the nationality of the writer Hans Christian Anderson?
09 From which animal does venison come?
10 What nuts are used to make marzipan?

Good luck with the above questions!

More Pictures Of Blankney


The top picture shows the road (B1188) as you travel south out of Blankney heading towards Scopwick. The spinney on the right is known as aconite wood, due to the fact that in Spring the whole wood is a carpet of bright yellow aconites. The bottom picture shows the private road that leads off the B1188 and leads up to the Hall stables, the walled gardens and through, to Leech's Dairy Farm. To give a better perspective the same white gate appears in both pictures. The church stands just to the right of where the second picture was taken.

Land Of Milk And Honey Turns Sour

This weekend Home Secretary Jacqui Smith is likely to announce that the number of work permits issued to foreigners is likely to be cut. The new points system, based on the Australian system, will be used to 'raise the bar' for skilled migrants coming to this country. The Home Secretary has been forced to act after the growing row over the impact foreign workers have had on the UK. This impact was brought into focus recently by the opposition to the Sicilian firm who won the Lindsey refinery contract in Lincolnshire. More than 150,000 work permits were issued last year and it is estimated that 3.8 million foreign workers are now employed in Britain. Strange, isn't it, that the move comes when Polish workers who flocked to Britain after their country joined the EU in 2004 are now moving back home. As the economic recession deepens, building trade contracts decline, and the pound plummets against the zloty, many of the 700,000 Polish workers are packing up their trowels and spanners and returning to Poland. Also, many educated middle-class Poles have decided that Britain is no longer the land of opportunity and are joining the exodus. The Polish economy has performed well since joining the EU, helped by billions of pounds of grants for roads and big infrastructure projects. Unemployment has fallen to 6% and many hotel and catering staff, and construction workers, are returning to help Poland prepare to host the European football championships in 2012. The exodus is likely to continue, while the number of new Polish arrivals in the UK has slowed to a trickle. Salaries in Poland have risen by up to 15% in the last year and company bosses are contacting Polish workers in the UK and offering them well paid jobs. Against this background it looks as if economic forces are achieving naturally what Jacqui Smith is trying to do through legislation. Has Britain, once regarded as the land of milk and honey, turned sour?

Sunday 22 February 2009

Today's Smile

Haven't things got complicated since then!

The Ice House - Blankney Park

The Ice House - Blankney Park
The above picture was taken a little way in from the entrance to Blankney Park. The mound, in the centre of the picture, is an Ice House that used to serve Blankney Hall. Below the mound is an underground brick built chamber where ice would be stored until required. Below is a brief reference to the Ice House.
To the right of the first fairway is the 'Ice House', which once acted as the Hall's cold store. From the 17th Century the rich and privileged increasingly built ice houses in the grounds of their large houses, to preserve food and to provide ice for the table, especially to cool wine. Much of the ice preserved would come from local frozen pools. During the 19th Century many ice houses would be stocked from commercial suppliers. The entry to the Blankney ice house has been blocked for many years, filled in with rubble. It is not known whether the whole chamber was filled, or just the entrance. Hopefully, one day the ice house may be restored to its former glory.

Today's Thought

The problem with jogging is the ice falls out of your glass!

St Oswald's Church - Blankney

The Anglican parish church is dedicated to St Oswald and stands on the site of the original church, thought to date back to the 11th Century. Most of the church is Early English and Decorated Gothic style. It was rebuilt in 1820, during the Charles Chaplin era, and further restoration was carried out in 1879-80, by Henry Chaplin. The tower is from 1805-07.

According to the list of Rectors displayed in the church, the first known incumbent was Master Roger de Scaccario, taking up his position in 1228. The church seats about 300 people. Parish register entries start in 1558. The original vicarage stood adjacent to the church, but in 1880 a new vicarage was built on Longwood Lane, about a quarter of a mile west of the church. In 1980, the church became a subsidiary of Metheringham, with the vicar of that parish taking on the duties of St Oswald's. The existing vicarage is now privately owned.

The close ties between Hall and church are clearly evident within the church and dominated by the Chaplin family. The family vault lies beneath the chancel and some members of the family are buried there. Adjoining the vestry on the north side is a small chapel, known as the Chaplin aisle. It is here where, following the death of his wife, Lady Florence, in 1881, Henry Chaplin erected a life-sized sculpture of Lady Florence kneeling on a cushion (see picture above). Within the chapel, on the north wall, is a plaque to commemorate the death of Caroline, wife of Charles Chaplin, placed there by her nieces, Louisa, wife of H Sherbrooke Esquire, and Julia, wife of R Alexander Esquire.

A small stained-glass window left of the pulpit has an inscription below commemorating Edward Chaplin, who was Rector of the church from 1801-1854, placed there by his former nurse, Mary Sefton, following his death in 1883. In the same area a further tablet has been placed by the Chaplin family in memory of Mary Sefton herself, died 1890.

On the south wall of the church a plaque has been placed in memory of Francis-2nd Earl of Londesborough, died 1917, and his son, George Francis-3rd Earl of Londesborough, died 1920. The graves of both Henry Chaplin and Hugo William Cecil Denison-4th Earl of Londesborough are to be found in the churchyard.

The organ was gifted by Lady Florence Chaplin and the lectern by the Duchess of Sutherland. On the gate that leads into the church is a dedication which reads "Erected in Memory of Lady Florence Chaplin 1883" a final tribute from her husband Henry Chaplin.

George Bush - The Legacy

On Friday 13 February we published some statements made by George Bush during the time he was President of the United States of America, which in hindsight he may wish to forget. Here is a further selection.

"For NASA, space is still a high priority"

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children"

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it"

"I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them"

"The future will be better tomorrow"

"We have a firm commitment to NATO. We are part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are part of Europe"

Well I guess he's now got plenty of time to reflect on what he said!



Brainteaser - Saturday's Answers


So, how was your geography? In Saturday's brainteaser you were given a list containing the names of two places throughout the British Isles. You had to decide from each pairing which place was farthest north. Here are the correct answers:

01 Darlington or Middlesborough (Middlesborough)
02 Market Rasen or Louth (Market Rasen)
03 Rugby or Coventry (Coventry)
04 Shrewsbury or Wolverhampton (Shrewsbury)
05 Oxford or Swindon (Oxford)
06 Bristol or Bath (Bristol)
07 Swansea or Cardiff (Swansea)
08 Penzance or Lizard Point (Penzance)
09 Ilfracombe or Exeter (Ilfracombe)
10 Watford or Potters Bar (Potters Bar)



9/10 Excellent 7/8 Very Good 5/6 Good - Below 5 (3 Penalty points on your licence)

Saturday 21 February 2009

This Should Be A Real Vote Winner

The Tory party has launched a campaign to save the great British pub. Jeremy Hunt the shadow culture secretary has stated that many pubs up and down the country were struggling to survive, particularly against rising taxes. An online petition has been set up calling for taxes to be cut on low-alcohol drinks such as beer. Mr Hunt claimed that the government had tried to tackle binge-drinking by punishing responsible drinkers. Shadow business minister, Mark Prisk, also claimed that the future of 'great British institutions' were under threat. About a third of the cost of a pint currently goes to the Treasury in duty and that is set to rise again this year. The crazy thing is that 'alcopops', aimed at the teenage market, and a contributory factor to binge drinking have gone down in price. Representatives from the pub trade were protesting about a 13p decrease in the average price of this type of drink. The Chancellor of the Exchequer last year wanted to raise the tax on spirits to off-set some of the 2.5% reduction in VAT, he announced in the face of the gathering recession. After being told, by the Scottish whisky trade, that such a move could put the industry out of business, the Chancellor then cut the duty on spirits a few days later. As alcopops are regarded as spirits, they benefited by the cut in taxes, whilst the price of beer and wine increased.

Blankney School

Blankney School (North & West Facing)

Blankney School (South Facing)
Blankney school stands on the south-east corner of Blankney crossroads. The school dates back to between 1830 and 1840. It is recorded that Mrs Chaplin (wife of Charles Chaplin) paid for the education of 22 girls of poor families. The school was closed in the mid 1970's due to a lack of pupils.

Thought For Today

One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half.
Sir Winston Churchill

Brainteaser

How well do you know your geography of the British Isles. Today's brainteaser asks you to say which of two places is the farthest north.

01 Darlington or Middlesborough
02 Market Rasen or Louth
03 Rugby or Coventry
04 Shrewsbury or Wolverhampton
05 Oxford or Swindon
06 Bristol or Bath
07 Swansea or Cardiff
08 Penzance or Lizard Point
09 Ilfracombe or Exeter
10 Watford or Potters Bar

Good luck with this brainteaser!

Friday 20 February 2009

Today's Smile

Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local sh0p at gunpoint. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the stand to give her evidence. She had identified him immediately as the robber, when Bartle jumped up and yelled, "You're lying! I should have blown your head off". He paused, then added,"If I had been the one that was there". The jury found him guilty and Jerry Bartle was sentenced to thirty years imprisonment.

The Hump-Backed Bridge - Blankney

The Hump-Backed Bridge, Blankney
(Click image to enlarge)
The above photograph shows what locals refer to as 'Hump-Backed Bridge'. It was built in 1884 over a private carriageway that linked Blankney Hall to Blankney and Metheringham railway station. The road over the bridge runs from Blankney village to Martin, but only half the journey is now accessible to traffic, going only as far as the railway level crossing.

The Best Job In The World

Lost your job in the recession? Or maybe you just fancy a career change. Well look no further, because I have just found you, not just a job, but the best job in the world. Well the chance to apply at least. But you will have to act quickly, applications must be in by this Sunday and a short-list of 50 applicants will be announced on 2 March. Competition will be stiff, over 18,000 applications have already been received. Well, I did tell you it was the best job in the world! So, what qualifications will you need? Well not a lot really. You must be over 18. Able to write and speak English. Enjoy lazing around on the beach. You may have to do a bit of swimming, snorkeling and sailing. You will also get free airfares to and from your job.That's about it really. The job lasts for six months and pays about £50,000. So, what is this job, I can hear you asking. Well, I'll tell you. The Queensland State Government are looking for a 'caretaker' for the tropical island of Hamilton on The Great Barrier Reef. The successful candidate will stay in a multi-million dollar beach home. In return the successful applicant will be expected to report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates. The campaign is a key element in a drive to promote the northeastern state's 18 billion-dollar a year tourism industry during the tough global economic climate. Well, you can't say you weren't given the opportunity to apply.

Who Am I? - Thursday's Answer





Well done to all of you who solved yesterday's clues to the 'Who Am I' puzzle. The mystery celebrity we were looking for is revealed below:





Answer - Christopher Biggins

Thursday 19 February 2009

Nature At It's Best

This is the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time. Click on the link below, turn up the sound, watch in full screen mode, and enjoy.........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rooyt3ptNco

Once in a while something very special comes into your life. This is one of those clips that restores your faith in the world.

Shrove Tuesday


Next Tuesday, 24February, is Shrove Tuesday, better known to most of us as 'pancake day'. The following day is Ash Wednesday, significant for being the first day of Lent, a Christian festival leading up to Easter Sunday. Shrove Tuesday always falls 47 days before Easter Sunday. Lent is supposed to signal a period of fasting when food such as eggs, fat and butter are forbidden. It was traditional to use up these ingredients before the fasting period began, and pancakes were an obvious indulgence before the sacrifice. The name Shrove Tuesday comes from the old word 'shrive' which means to confess. In the Middle Ages people used to confess their sins, to cleanse themselves, as it were, before Lent began. Other traditions surrounding Shrove Tuesday include 'pancake races', with those taking part racing to the finishing line tossing their pancakes as they go. The most famous pancake race in England is held at Olney in Buckinghamshire, and has been going since 1445. Legend has it that it all started when a housewife from Olney was making pancakes and forgot the time, until she heard the church bells ringing for the service. She raced out of the house still carrying her frying pan and pancake. Every Shrove Tuesday the pancake 'greaze' is held at Westminster School, London. A pancake, reinforced with horse hair, is tossed into the air and the boys try to get as much of it as they can. Many towns in England used to hold a traditional 'mob football match', a ritual that started in the 12th century. A number of towns still carry on the tradition today including Alnwick (Northumberland), Ashbourne (Derbyshire), Atherstone (Warwickshire), Sedgefield (Durham), and St Column Major (Cornwall).

Pancake Batter Recipe

1 large egg or 1 egg and one yolk
1/2 pint/280ml milk
4oz/110g plain flour (4 heaped dessertspoons)
1 tbsp melted butter

By Hand - sift the flour into a bowl and make a well in the middle. Break in the egg (and yolk, if using) and add a pinch of salt and a splash of the milk. Whisk the egg gradually incorporating the flour, to make a smooth cream. Whisk in the rest of the milk and the melted butter.

With A Blender - put all the ingredients in a blender jug with a pinch of salt. Whizz until smooth.

Today's Smile

A doctor, called to give evidence in court, was being questioned by a young lawyer. The conversation proceeded as follows:

Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: How can you be sure, Doctor?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Doctor: It is possible. He could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Who Am I?

In the 'Who Am I' series readers are asked to put their detective hats on to identify a well known personality from a set of 10 clues. Today's clues are listed below.

01 I was born in Oldham, Lancashire.
02 I played the character 'Lukewarm' in Porridge.
03 I have also appeared in 'Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em.
04 I have taken part in 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'.
05 I was married to Beatrice Norbury from 1971 to 1974.
06 I love socialising, I once said "I would go to the opening of an envelope".
07 I am openly gay and am now in a civil partnership.
08 I read 'Billy Bunter' on an Audio Cassette (1990).
09 I am 60 years old.
10 I am an English actor and media personality.

Can you guess the name of this mystery personality?

What A Terrific Idea

I happened to be watching the news last evening when they took the television cameras to a school where young children about seven or eight years old were being taught the basics of money management. What a terrific idea! I have always held the view that the best time to teach children the basics, on any subject, is between the ages of seven and twelve. They are generally most receptive at this time of their lives, old enough to understand, but not preoccupied with teenage stuff like pop music, dating and the gang culture. The children in the programme were being taught three areas of money management, spending, borrowing and saving. On spending, they were learning the difference between spending on essentials and pleasure. On borrowing, they were being made to realise that money borrowed had to be paid back, usually at a higher rate. On saving, they were made to realise that using their own money to pay for what they wanted was the cheapest way to buy. From interviews with some of the children involved, it was obvious, that even at such a young age, they were beginning to grasp the basics and understand how important money will be to their future lives. I hope more and more schools will follow suit and teach this very important subject.

Wednesday 18 February 2009

Looking Back - Miners Victory

On this day in 1981, the Conservative government, under Mrs Thatcher, withdrew plans to close 23 coal pits, the first major u-turn since the Government came to power two years earlier. Secretary of State for Energy, David Howell, made the concession after two hours of crisis talks with Department of Trade and Industry Officials. The concession was made in the face of a threat by Unions to call a national miners strike. Mr Howell acknowledged miners concerns about coal imports and subsidies to the National Coal Board. As a result pit closures announced on 10 February were dropped. The Government agreed to reduce coal imports from eight million to five-and-a -half million tonnes over the next year. Joe Gormley, President of the National Union of Mineworkers advised members, the following morning, against a national strike involving 240,000 miners. Some left-wing pits maintained unofficial stoppages and there were pickets outside the NUM headquarters in London. These strikes were called off on 20 February. The Government provided £300m of financial assistance to the industry and prevented official strike action, although pockets of discontent remained. Joe Gormley resigned as President of the NUM in April 1982, to be replaced by left-winger Arthur Scargill. Two years later Mr Scargill led the miners in a year-long strike, the longest ever in the UK, from March 1984 when the Coal Board announced the closure of 20 pits.


Empire Day

Empire Day celebrations in Scopwick

(Click on image to enlarge)

On the 12 February I published a picture of the Royal Oak, Scopwick, thought to date back to the early 1900s, sent in by reader David Butler. The above picture was also sent in by David and probably dates somewhere between 1902 and 1916. It depicts the villagers of Scopwick celebrating Empire Day.

Empire Day

The idea of celebrating Empire Day was first considered in 1897, towards the end of Queen Victoria's reign. The purpose of Empire Day was to "remind children that they formed part of the British Empire and that they might think with others in lands across the sea, what it meant to be sons and daughters of such a glorious Empire", and that "The strength of the Empire depended upon them, and they must never forget it". Only the Victorians could come up with such a patriotic idea. In fact, the first Empire Day did not take place until 24 May 1902, the date of the Queen's birthday, and over a year after her death on 22 January 2001. Even then it was not officially recognised as an annual event until 1916, although many schools across the British Empire were celebrating it before then. One New Zealand school journal from 1910 records: "This is the 'Union Jack', and now that Empire Day has come round once more, you will hear its history. It is really a coloured picture from a history-book, telling of things that happened long before you were born". Millions of school children throughout the British Empire would salute the union flag, and sing patriotic songs like Jerusalem and God Save the Queen. They would hear stories about such heroes as Clive of India, Wolfe of Quebec and 'Chinese Gordon' of Khartoum. The children were allowed to leave school early to take part in the many marches, maypole dances, concerts and parties. In Britain an Empire Movement was formed by an Irishman, Lord Meath, the watchwords of the Movement were "Responsibility, Sympathy, Duty and Self-sacrifice. By the 1950s the Empire was in decline and in 1958 Empire Day became British Commonwealth Day and in 1966 changed again to become simply Commonwealth Day. The date was also changed to 10 June, the official birthday of the present Queen. The final change came in 1977 when the date was changed to the second Monday in March. The Queen still sends a special message to the youth of the Empire via a radio broadcast to all Commonwealth countries. In Canada, several million loyal Canadians still celebrate what is known as Victoria Day on the last Monday before 24 May.




Poem - Blankney Church

Since the late 1950s there has been a considerable drop in church attendances. Over the same period of time moral standards and respect for other people have also been in decline. I am not a religious person, but in my view this is not coincidental, one is a direct result of the other. I was mindful of this when in 1995 I wrote the following poem.

Blankney Church

Oh little church how proud you stand
Taller than the beech
Where for all these centuries past
Man has come to preach
Where man has also come to kneel
To ask forgiveness for his sins
From your tower bells would peal
And man would sing his hymns
And those who sang their praises
In loud and thunderous waves
Now lie silent at your feet
Contented in their graves
Majestic and aloof you seem
Surrounded by the yew
Your purpose now diminished
Appealing to the few
And as your congregation
Grows smaller day by day
Sadly we must face the truth
That man has lost his way

Rodney Garlant

A Good Idea? Or Just Plain Lazy

I was watching a report on the local news last night. It transpires that one Yorkshire council has taken the decision to do away with the apostrophe. They showed several shots of road signs on which the apostrophe should have appeared but had been omitted. In one instance, two signs opposite each other and bearing the same road name were shown, one with the apostrophe the other without. Personally, my punctuation is appalling, so doing away with it would save me a lot of embarrassment. Having said that, I do not believe this is the right way to go and I hope they reverse their decision. However, compared to modern day text messages, which to me seem like a foreign language, a few apostrophe's (should that one be there?) seem quite insignificant. It was while I was thinking about all this the following quotation came to mind.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.
Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart

Tuesday 17 February 2009

Fw: Where does a woman's money go?


Click to play this very clever video!

Thought For Today


Old people shouldn't eat healthy foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.

Quiet Please!

I am alone in the house at the moment. My wife, Angela, is spending a few days with my son, daughter-in-law and our young grandson. I was half way through writing an article for the Journal this evening, when it suddenly struck me how quiet it was. It was not just the silence that struck me but the stillness as well. Don't get me wrong! I'm not saying my wife is noisy, on the contrary, she hates noise more than me and is a very quiet person. In fact I drive her crazy, whenever I have a pen in my hand, I behave like a demented drummer tapping on everything in sight to create different sounds. Come to think of it, maybe that's why she's gone away for a few days. Anyway, getting back to the subject of quietness, the point I am trying to make is, that the more I thought about it the more I realised that it is a commodity that is in very short supply. In fact, in today's hectic society, the one thing that would bring back more happiness and contentment to people is quietness. Wherever we go, whatever we do, we are surrounded by noise. No wonder our ancestors were more contented with life than our generation, they did not have to contend with the noise levels we have today. It seems to me a spell of quietness allows the brain to rest and recharge itself, much the same as when we sleep. Certainly, in times of quiet the brain becomes much sharper, hence the saying 'I can't hear myself think'. Noise also has a bad effect on the nerves, if music is too loud we rush to turn it down. Why? Because it is getting on our nerves. This is why a long walk in the countryside is so enjoyable, it steers you away from the Hubble and bubble of everyday life. After all, which sounds would you rather listen to, the birds singing, the wind rustling the trees or the whirring of the washing machine and the television blaring out. God is that the time? Coronation Streets' on in a minute.

How Sad

How sad to read about Jade Goody. Since becoming a household name Jade has had a chequered career. Jade's early life was far from ideal, her father Andrew Goody, who was of mixed race, was a drug addict and habitual criminal, who served prison sentences including a four-year term for robbery. Despite this background she has made a name for herself, though not always for the right reasons, and has tasted success far beyond her wildest dreams. A few years ago her personal fortune was estimated at between £2m and £10m. It could never have been easy for Jade to handle fame and fortune, especially having to live out her life in the media spotlight. There is no doubt that to become the person she is today she has shown great strength and battling qualities. May those qualities now enable her to find peace and happiness during whatever time she has left.

Jade Goody Profile

Born Jade Cerisa Goody on 5 June 1981. Father, Andrew Goody, was of mixed race, a drug addict and habitual criminal, died of a drug overdose in 2005. Goody had two boys, Bobby Jack and Freddie, with TV presenter Jeff Brazier. Formed a relationship with Jack Tweed, her current partner, but following allegations of Tweed being unfaithful the relationship broke up. They then resumed their relationship until Tweed was imprisoned for assault, serving four months of an eighteen month sentence, before being released in February 2009. Goody was first tested for ovarian cancer in 2004 and again for bowel cancer in 2006. She was given the all clear both times. Cervical cancer was confirmed in 2008, whilst she was appearing in 'Big Boss', the Indian version of Big Brother. In February 2009 it was announced the cancer had spread to her liver, bowel and groin. Ten days later doctors at the Royal Marsden Hospital in London had given Goody just months to live. Goody is to marry Jack Tweed within two weeks. The marriage is to be a public affair and the rights sold to the media to provide money for her sons future. However, Tweed's 7pm curfew is complicating the arrangements.

Jade Goody first found fame as a contestant on the channel 4 television programme 'Big Brother 3', quickly becoming a household name which led to numerous television appearances, fitness DVDs and the launch of her own perfume 'Shh'. In 2007 she returned to the Big Brother house as a housemate in 'Celebrity Big Brother', together with her mother and boyfriend Jack Tweed. It was due to her unfortunate remarks on this programme, made about another contestant Shilpa Shetty, that led to accusations of racism and derogatory comments. In late 2007 Goody was portrayed in an unfavourable light by several polls, but in early 2008 she bounced back. She hit the headlines by purchasing a Bentley Continental GTC sports car worth £130,000. In March 2008 Goody again got bad press after a fight with a female party goer in an Essex night club. In October 2008 Goody released her new autobiography 'Jade: Catch A Falling Star'. The same month she opened her second beauty salon 'Homme Fatel' catering exclusively for men. In December 2008 she played the role of the Wicked Queen in Snow White at the Theatre Royal, Lincoln , before having to withdraw in January for health reasons. On 5 February 2009, Goody and Tweed exchanged rings on the banks of the River Thames.

Brainteaser - Monday's Answers

A fairly tough set of 10 Trivia questions was the brainteaser for Monday. How many did you get correct? Here are the answers.

01 Pompeii
02 The Pike
03 Sir Barnes Wallace
04 Salt
05 The Black Hole
06 Winds
07 Cricket
08 The Horse
09 In Washington DC
10 A Unit Of Currency

9/10 Excellent 7/8 Very Good 5/6 Good - Below 5 (Well they were difficult!)

Monday 16 February 2009

HMS Blankney

HMS Blankney
(Click on image to enlarge)
HMS Blankney was brought into service during the second world war, and was named after the Blankney Hunt. She was built by John Brown Shipbuilding and Engineering Company Ltd (Clydebank, Scotland). HMS Blankney was an Escort Destroyer Hunt (Type 11), laid down on 17th May 1940, launched 19th December 1940 and commissioned 11th April 1941. She joined the 12th escort group, based at Londonderry, Northern Ireland in October 1941. The following December she was dispatched from the Fleet at Gibraltar to reinforce Commander Walkers U-boat killer group that was escorting a homeward bound convoy from Gibraltar. On 17th December a Martlet aircraft from HMS Audacity spotted a submarine on the surface, the pilot went in to attack the submarine but unfortunately he was shot down in the attempt. Blankney gave chase and together with her sister destroyers Exmoor and Stanley, the corvette HMS Pentstemon and the sloop HMS Stork, they sank the submarine, a U-131, with gunfire and depth charges. The following day Blankney was again in action, together with Stanley, when a U-434 was spotted six miles away. The submarine dived, but following three rapid attacks from Blankney, it was severely damaged and surfaced to allow her crew to save themselves, minutes later she sank. With her German prisoners on board HMS Blankney returned to Gibraltar for refuelling. Throughout 1942 Blankney participated in the escort of Arctic convoys. In July 1943 she took part in the Allied landings on Sicily. In March 1944, together with three other British destroyers and an American destroyer, they sank a U-450 submarine with depth charges. In May she assisted American and French destroyers chase and sink a U-371 submarine. In June the same year HMS Blankney was a member of the Gunfire Support Bombarding Force K, assigned to 'Gold Beach' during the Normandy landings. In August 1945 HMS Blankney was docked in the Selborne dry dock at Simonstown, South Africa. In March 1959, Blankney was broken up for scrap. Her badge can still be seen painted on Selborne dry dock wall.

Brainteaser

Today's brainteaser is 'Trivia', test your general knowledge by answering the ten questions set out below. Good luck!

01 Which ancient city was engulfed by the lava from the volcano Vesuvius?
02 Which fresh water fish is also called a jack?
03 Who invented the Wellington bomber and the bouncing bomb?
04 What is the common name for sodium chloride?
05 What is Calcutta famous for in British history?
06 What are the sirocco and mistral?
07 In which sport has Sir Donald Bradman become a legend?
08 Which animal is normally measured in 'hands'?
09 Where is the Pentagon?
10 What is a guinea?

Blankney School - Class Of 1930

(Click on image to enlarge)
The above picture of Blankney schoolchildren was taken in 1930. My uncle, Norman Garlant, is on the back row, fourth from the left.

Sunday 15 February 2009

Ronnie Biggs And The Great Train Robbery


I see that Ronnie Biggs, the most famous of The Great Train robbers, has been taken from Norwich prison to the cities Norwich University Hospital. His son Michael confirmed that his 79 year old father was thought to be suffering from pneumonia. He went on to say "Why is my father still in prison? He's costing the tax payer thousands. He's been in prison for 10 years now and he is no danger to society." Perhaps someone should remind son Michael that his sentence was 30 years, a good deal of which was spent living the high life in Paris, Australia and Brazil. Biggs had served only 15 months of his sentence in Wandsworth prison, before escaping and going on the run for the next 35 years. He has still only served 11 years and 3 months of his sentence.


The Great Train Robbery


On the 8th August 1963 perhaps the most daring and well organized crime ever committed in this country was carried out. The Glasgow to London mail train was intercepted in a quiet area of Buckinghamshire. It was boarded by fifteen men wearing ski masks and helmets who stole 120 bags of money containing £2.6m. In terms of today's values that may not seem a great amount, especially compared to some more modern day hauls, but in 1963 it represented a huge amount of money, equivalent to about £40m today. The scale and size of the robbery captured the imagination of the British people and a massive police operation was launched. The whole operation was masterminded by a known armed burglar by the name of Bruce Reynolds. It was Reynolds who was privy to inside information as to where, when and how the money would be transported. As the train travelled through Buckinghamshire it was halted at Sears Crossing by a red light. Unbeknown, to the driver the gang had concealed the green light with a glove and had used a six-volt battery to temporarily power the red light. The fireman on the locomotive tried to ring the signalman, only to find the wires had been cut. The driver, Jack Mills, was then forced to move the train down the track. The carriage containing the money bags was then uncoupled from the others and driven a further half mile to a spot called Bridego Bridge where the gang's Land Rovers and an army truck were waiting to ferry the haul from the scene. The gang then unloaded the money sacks into the vehicles on the road below the bridge. Jack Mills the driver of the train was coshed over the head with an iron bar, though it was never proved who carried out the attack, he was left traumatised for the rest of his life. The gang holed up at Leatherslade Farm, near Oakley, Buckinghamshire. Acting on an anonymous tip-off police raided the farm five day's later only to find the robbers had fled. Thirteen of the gang members, including Ronnie Biggs, were eventually caught. They were tried and sentenced on16th April 1964. Train driver Jack Mills died from Leukemia in 1964.

Who Am I? - Saturday's Answer

Did you get the answer to Saturdays 'Who Am I'? By examining the ten clues given you should have come up with the following answer:

Answer............Katie Price (Jordan)

Well done to those readers who got the right answer!

The Birds And The Bees-Oh! And The Animals Too

What have you got planned for Valentine's weekend? Nothing! Well how about this for an idea. For just $75 per person, including champagne and brunch, you can take a romantic three-hour long tour of a Philadelphia Zoo, called Lovin' On The Wild Side. You must be at least 21 years of age. If you haven't already guessed by now, the idea is to watch the animals, how can I put this, having intimate moments, shall we say. Of course, there is no guarantee of a performance, now where have I heard that before, but as the zoo's Laura Warner says "With a bit of luck guests might see an array of unusual overtures." "Tortoises" Warner explained, "like to nibble their toes to get to know each other." "Bats, since they sleep upside down, there are other things they do upside down" she added. How much more pornographic can this get? "The Giraffes like to rub each others neck" Phew! But the most unusual-and-brutal, mating rite, wait for it, may come in the spiders enclosure. After their intimate moment, the female often bites off the males, wait for it, head," she said. Well let's face it, I suppose it makes a change for the husband to have the headache!