Today I am going to York races. so, it seems a good opportunity to tip you another loser. I shall be pinning my hopes on the Henry Cecil trained Father Time to win the Ladbrokes Great Voltigeur Stakes, run over one mile and four furlongs, at 2.50. Last time out Father Time won the King Edward VII Stakes at Ascot. He had better win again today, as it's a long walk back from York to Blankney, especially with no shirt on. Today's best bet:
A 'Newfie' is the term used in Canada for someone who is from Newfoundland!
A Newfie and two Indians were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indian's ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
W00000! W00000! Wooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Newfie was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about, "Was the other Indian crazy or what?"
The Indian replied, "No. It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler Wooooo!Wooooo!Wooooo!" into the opening of the cave. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in their waiting for us.
Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped and hollered, Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! Immediately, there was the answer.Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Newfie wandered around in the woods for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Oh, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indian's found. There must be some real big fine women in this cave!"
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might. Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! Like the others, he then heard an answering call, with a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face he raced into the cave tearing all his clothes off as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read:
Here are the answers to yesterday's 'Sailor Beware' trivia quiz. Check to see how you made out!
01 Joshua Slocum. 02 Robertson's Golly. 03 Discover America. 04 The Pelican was renamed The Golden hind after she rounded Cape Horn. So both are correct. 05 Vascoda Gama. 06 Horatio Hornblower. 07 Maarten Tromp. 08 The Tirpitz 09 At Calvi 10 The Nina
9/10 Excellent 7/8 Very Good 5 /6 Good - Below 5 Landlubber!
Sipping her drink, the single leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriends office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to bring forward our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter-belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer, then the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey Batman', what's for dinner?"