Thursday, 13 August 2009

Famous London Pubs - The Widow'sSon

The widow's son was due back in London on Good Friday.His mother had made some hot-cross buns to welcome him home to their cottage in Bow. He never did make it and was never seen again. Every Easter she made a special bun, hoping for her sons return. He never came back and by 1848 the widow had died, and the cottage became a pub, taking the name 'The Widow's Son' to remember a mothers grief. The hot-cross buns have still been coming every Good Friday for the past 130 years. The buns left hanging from the ceiling, some as hard as iron. Every Good Friday, a Royal Navy sailor adds a new bun to the collection which hangs in the pub. Sailors from around Britain come to pay their respects to the widow and her son. They hold a religious service, then sing drink and generally have a good time.

Reproduced by kind permission of 'Knowledge of London '.


Today's brainteaser sets you a very difficult challenge. Listed below are eight King's and Queen's of England. Starting with the earliest can you put them in the order in which they reigned?

Charles II
Elizabeth I
George VI
Henry VIII
Mary I
Richard III
Don't be put off -have a go! Answer in tomorrows Journal.

School Answering Machine

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended. This is the message that the Maroochydore, Queensland, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses why your child did not do his homework - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and it's not the teachers fault for your child's lack of effort. Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

Dear Mum .....

A mother passing by her sons bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum'. With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear Mum

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS,so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.

Don't worry Mum. I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love. Your son.


P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Animal Crackers

Funny Signs

We are sorry, but these toilets are out of action. Please use the ___ floor. A sign on a shopping center's restroom door, indicating that the restroom was closed. The sign was intended to give directions to the nearest open restroom, but the staff had forgotten to fill in the blank.
Caution. Remove infant before folding for storage ..... sign on a stroller.
Sign at the entrance of a large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies! If you wear loose clothes beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist!
Fragile. Do not drop. Posted on a Boeing 757.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
On a display of 'I love you only' Valentine cards. Now available in multi-packs.

That's When The Fight Started

When I got home late last night, the wife told me to take her someplace expensive for dinner. So, I took her to the gas station.

That's when the fight started ........