Real Toast

I put a piece of toast in the toaster this morning. They say a watched pot never boils, well it's a bit like that with toasters, turn your back for a minute and the toast burns, stand and watch it and it takes forever. Anyhow, whilst I was waiting for my toast to pop-up I started thinking about real toast. You see toast made in a toaster is not real toast, nor is its predecessor toast made under a grill. No, making real toast is much more laborious and painful. For a start it must be made with a slice of bread cut from a whole loaf (none of this fancy sliced stuff). Now put your slice of bread on the end of a dinner fork and hold it in front of the red hot embers of an open fire. You then have to keep moving the fork from one hand to the other because your hands are starting to burn. When the first side is brown turn the bread round and stick it back on the fork and toast the second side. By this time your toast should be developing a raggy hole around the middle of the slice of bread. At this point it is more than likely that the toast will fall off the fork and into the ashes in the hearth. Don't worry, this is perfectly normal, just brush the ash off and return it to the fork. At this point you may wish to put a piece of cloth or a towel over your hands to prevent further blistering. When the second side has completely browned your toast is ready. Finally, spread generously with a thick layer of butter (definitely no margarine spread). Now that is real toast.