Pilots And Mechanics

Taken from actual Qantas so called 'gripe sheets' on which pilots report any problems to mechanics after each flight.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Mechanic: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Mechanic: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Mechanic: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums
Mechanic: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Mechanic: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something.
Mechanic: Took hammer away from midget.