Heard On Answering Machines

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

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This is not an answering machine, this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

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Hello, I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you back as soon as I find it.