THE MAN RULES
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME
TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN.
FINALLY, THE GUYS SIDE OF THE STORY.
WE ALWAYS HEAR "THE RULES" FROM
THE FEMALE SIDE.
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES
FROM THE MALE SIDE.
***************
Men are not mind readers.
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Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
---
Sunday sports, it's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be!
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Crying is blackmail.
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Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obviously hints do not work!
Just say it!
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Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.
---
Come to us with a problem only if you
want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
---
Anything we said six months ago is
inadmissible in all argument.
In fact, all comments become null
and void after seven days.
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If you think you're fat, you probably are
Don't ask us.
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If something we said can be interpreted
two ways and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we mean the other one.
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You can either ask us to do something,
or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
---
Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.
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Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.
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All men see in only 16 colours, like
Windows default settings.
Peach for example is a fruit, not a
colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
---
If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
---
If we ask what is wrong and you
say 'nothing', we will act like nothings
wrong. We know you are lying, but it
is just not worth the hassle.
---
If you ask a question you don't want
an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
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When we have to go somewhere anything
you wear is fine ..... Really!
---
Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as Football, Cricket, Cars or Golf.
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You have enough clothes.
---
You have too many shoes.
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I am in shape. Round is a shape.
---
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,
I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. But did
you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping
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