Do-It-Youself Vasectomy

A daring thief who stuffed a pair of live lobsters in his pants learned that crime doesn't pay when the frisky creatures gave him a vasectomy.
Police say that the 24-year old shoplifter was leaving a Bristol, England, supermarket when he removed the lobsters from their tank and shoved them in his trousers. The man sprinted past stunned check-out girls, but came to a screeching halt when he felt the lobsters clutching on his manhood.
The thorny creatures were finally removed when emergency medics pried them loose with pliers. Doctors say the theif will fully recover from his frightening tangle with the lobsters, but he will never be a daddy.
"Basically, it was a do-it-yourself vasectomy," said the doctor. "The patient's sexual abilities will be restored in time, but he will not be able
to father children."
The thief's painful prank landed him in the hospital, where he is expected to remain for three or four weeks. But thanks to a kindhearted supermarket manager, he will not be charged with any crime.
"The guy's gone through enough pain," said the store manager. "I think he has learned his lesson. I doubt if he'll ever steal again."