999 Emergency Centre. Can you believe that people actually make these calls?
Communications operator: "Hello police"
Caller: "My wife's left me two salmon sandwiches which was left over from last night... and I'm a sat in the chair here and she's out there decorating. She won't put any food on or anything for anybody, I don't know what...."
Communications operator: "I'm sorry but I really can't take this. It's not an emergency because your wife won't give you anything to eat."
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Communications operator: "Police Emergency..."
Caller: "Hello... I know this is gonna sound stupid but a pigeon's been run over... and I've got no money to phone the RSPCA or anything..."
Communications operator: "Right... so you're ringing police emergency line..."
Caller: "Well, I've just been told..."
Communications operator: "...which is for life and death about a pigeon which has been run over?"
Caller: "Well, I've just been told to phone you by the operator..."
Communications operator: "Right... Madam I'm going to put you on another line which will give you a number to call. I'm not prepared to deal with your enquiry on this line... just one moment..."
Caller: "Hello... I know this is gonna sound stupid but a pigeon's been run over... and I've got no money to phone the RSPCA or anything..."
Communications operator: "Right... so you're ringing police emergency line..."
Caller: "Well, I've just been told..."
Communications operator: "...which is for life and death about a pigeon which has been run over?"
Caller: "Well, I've just been told to phone you by the operator..."
Communications operator: "Right... Madam I'm going to put you on another line which will give you a number to call. I'm not prepared to deal with your enquiry on this line... just one moment..."
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Communications operator: "Thank you go ahead please..."
Caller: "Hello..."
Communications operator: "What's the emergency please?"
Caller: "The emergency is... I am at Lockleaze... and I would like to get home..."
Communications operator: "We're not a taxi service sir..."
Caller: "I know, I know, I know, but I am in a bit of a mess in so far as I cannot get a..."
Caller: "Hello..."
Communications operator: "What's the emergency please?"
Caller: "The emergency is... I am at Lockleaze... and I would like to get home..."
Communications operator: "We're not a taxi service sir..."
Caller: "I know, I know, I know, but I am in a bit of a mess in so far as I cannot get a..."
Communications operator: "Thank you go ahead please..."
Caller: "Hello..."
Communications operator: "What's the emergency please?"
Caller: "The emergency is... I am at Lockleaze... and I would like to get home..."
Communications operator: "We're not a taxi service sir..."
Caller: "I know, I know, I know, but I am in a bit of a mess in so far as I cannot get a..."
Caller: "Hello..."
Communications operator: "What's the emergency please?"
Caller: "The emergency is... I am at Lockleaze... and I would like to get home..."
Communications operator: "We're not a taxi service sir..."
Caller: "I know, I know, I know, but I am in a bit of a mess in so far as I cannot get a..."
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Police: "Police emergency"
Caller: "Hi. I'm next to the M32, city centre... there's an M32 city centre sign. Can you inform Animal Rescue that there's a grey squirrel with no hazelnut trees please."
Police: "There's a grey squirrel with no hazelnut trees?"
Caller: "Yeah. Animal rescue – can you inform the...?"
Police: "And you're phoning on 999 for that are you?"
Caller: "Actually yeah, 'cause his life is in danger. It's rare... it's a grey squirrel. It's a rare... it's a rare species."
Police: "Grey squirrels are not rare, it's the red squirrels that are rare."
Caller: "Well actually I'm not trying to be funny but its half and half... grey squirrels are definitely the rare ones.... It might be a cross breed, oh my god, its even rarer."
Police: "Ok, thanks for your call."
Caller: "Hi. I'm next to the M32, city centre... there's an M32 city centre sign. Can you inform Animal Rescue that there's a grey squirrel with no hazelnut trees please."
Police: "There's a grey squirrel with no hazelnut trees?"
Caller: "Yeah. Animal rescue – can you inform the...?"
Police: "And you're phoning on 999 for that are you?"
Caller: "Actually yeah, 'cause his life is in danger. It's rare... it's a grey squirrel. It's a rare... it's a rare species."
Police: "Grey squirrels are not rare, it's the red squirrels that are rare."
Caller: "Well actually I'm not trying to be funny but its half and half... grey squirrels are definitely the rare ones.... It might be a cross breed, oh my god, its even rarer."
Police: "Ok, thanks for your call."
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