The only reason you're still awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.
----------
People ask what colour your hair used to be.
----------
You're proud of your lawnmower.
----------
Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.
----------
You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
----------
Your car has four doors.
----------
You routinely check the oil in your car.
----------
You've owned clothes so long that they've gone back into fashion - twice!
