Definitions (Medical)

Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery

Seizure
Roman emperor

Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport

Tumor
More than one

Urine
Opposite to you're out

Vein
Conceited

Definitions (Medical)

Nitrates
Cheaper than day.

Node
Was aware of.

Outpatient
A person who fainted.

Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative
A letter carrier.

Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery.

Definitions (Medical)

Fester
Quicker than someone else.

Fibula
A small lie.

Genital
Non-Jewish person.

Impotent
Distinguished, well known.

Labour Pain
Getting hurt at work.

Morbid
A better offer than I had.

Definitions (Medical)

Cauterize
Made eye contact with her.

Colic
A sheep dog.

Coma
A punctuation mark.

Dilate
To live long.

Enema
Not a friend.

Eyedropper
A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Definitions (Medical)

Benign
What you be after you be eight.

Artery
The study of paintings.

Bacteria
Back door to cafe.

Barium
What doctors do when patients die.

Definitions

Vegetarian
Old Indian word for bad hunter.

Yawn
The only time some married men get to open their mouth.

Vuja De
The feeling you've never been here.

Withdrawl
To remove money from a bank down south.

Zucchini
Vegetable which can be baked, boiled fried or steamed before the kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Spoiled Rotten
What the kids become after as little as 5 minutes with Grandma

Top Bunk
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pyjamas.

Two-Minute Warning
When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

Refrigerator
Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.

Rubberneck
What you do to relax your wife

School Teacher
A disillusioned person who used to think he liked children.

Show Off
A child who is more talented than yours.

Definitions

Professor
Someone who talks in someone else's sleep.

Psychologist
A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

Puddle
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Quiet
A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Definitions

Paradox
Two physicians

Park
Before children, a verb meaning 'to go somewhere and neck.' After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing and a slide.

Polygon
A dead parrot.

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Definitions

Mosquito
An insect that makes you like flies better.

Nail Polish
Part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner,blush etc. which ironically make Mum look better while making her young daughter look 'like a tramp'.

Overstuffed Recliner
Mum's nickname for dad.

Ow
The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Definitions

Grocery List
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take it with you to the store.

Hindsight
What one experiences from changing too many diapers.

Hors d'oeuvres
A sandwich cut into 20 pieces

Independent
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Definitions

Fancy Restaurant
One that serves cold soup on purpose.

Father
A banker provided by nature.

Feedback
The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Flabbergasted
Appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Definitions

Eyedropper
A clumsy ophthalmologist

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes

Fable
A story told by teenagers arriving home after curfew

Family Planning
The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Definitions

Egotist
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Emergency Numbers
Police Station, Fire Department and Chinese take-away.

ETC.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Eternity
Last two minutes of a football game, when your team is winning 1-0

Definitions

Diplomat
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way you actually look forward to the trip.

Divorce
Future tense of marriage.

Doctor
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Dumbwaiter
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

CONFERENCE
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

COURTESY
The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

DERANGE
Where de buffalo roam.

DICTIONARY
A place where success comes before work.

Definitions

COFFEE
A person who is coughed upon.

COLLEGE
A four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

COMPROMISE
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Definitions

Cantaloupe
Gotta get married in a church.

Car Sickness
The feeling you get when the car payment is due.

Classic
A book which people praise, but do not read.

Clothes Dryer
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions

Antique
An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of , and you're buying again.

Balderdash
A rapidly receding hairline

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late, and late when you are early.

Avoidable
What a bullfighter tries to do.