Zen Wisdom

ANOTHER ZEN TEN

(PEARLS OF WISDOM)

01 If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

02 Some days you are the bug; some days you are the screen.

03 Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

04 Good judgement comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.

05 A closed mouth gathers no foot.

06 There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

07 Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

08 Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

09 We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse.....then things just get worse.

10 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Zen Wisdom

ZEN is a school of Mahayana Buddhism, translated from the Chinese word Chan. Chan is itself derived from the Sanskrit Dhyana, which means meditation. The teachings of Zen are sometimes referred to as simply 'path of enlightenment.' In order to set Journal readers off on their way down the path of enlightenment, here are my 'ZEN TEN' pearls of wisdom:

ZEN TEN

01 Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

02 Sex is like air. It is not important unless you aren't getting any.

03 No one is listening until you fart.

04 Always remember you're unique. Like everyone else.

05 Never test the water with both feet.

06 If you think nobody cares whether your alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

07 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

08 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

09 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10 If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.